The $40 Question

  Still no word from Erina with regards to this $40 I owe her that she so desperately needs to finish her elopment with good ol' spit-bag himself, Joey. Since my [last post] on the incident, I've been met with complete and utter silence from both of them. Haven't seen them at all, no IMs, no phone calls, nada.

  I guess $40 isn't THAT important, is it, Erina...

  So now, the final word on the situation. Erina gets $0 now, $0 later, and will be left exactly $0.40 in my will when I die. Yep, that's 1/100th of what I previously owed her. That way, when I'm dead and gone, Erina can say she got the 40 I owed her, and I can die laughing my scrawny arse off.

  And now, a suggestion to Erina and Joey. There's a Those Meddling Kids show at Electric Avenue on July 24th. I suggest you avoid it. For starters, any threats made will be met by immediate ejection. And, if I get on stage with the guys again, and Joey tries to pull ANYTHING, this time I will most certainly NOT do the professional thing and just keep singing.

  Do not underestimate me. Beneath the docile, happy-go-lucky exterior lies something you don't want to see. You've seen it once before, Erina. It's what I became when you selfishly set my life on a downward spiral. Only then, I had my love for you to keep it from getting much worse than it was. Now that the love is five years removed, there's nothing to hold back the demon that lives within me...

Posted by Eric @ 2:55pm, 06-29-04


GO (away) PLANET! (Please?!?)

  Can't [cartoon network] just let go already? Or is it because Teddy Turner still has his hands in his old cable networks? Do they feel like they owe it to him to keep Captain Planet on the air? I mean, come on! There is NO more GAY show than Captain Planet...

  Yes, I'm all for saving the environment. But do we honestly need a cartoon show to get that message across? Hell, just tell your kids to look out the window and see just what crappy condition the planet is in. That alone should make them want to care enough to stop the destruction, at least.

  But no, we have Kwami, Wheeler, Lynka, Gi and Maatee. I don't even know if I'm spelling these correctly, nor do I care. Captain Planet lasted just a few seasons, and has maybe 50 episodes at best. It's been running in the 5:30 am time slot for YEARS! I think we've seen quite enough of Blue Boy and the Eco Bunch...

  At least give us an hour of Time Squad! That show rocks! They never play it during the day anymore, and only run it at 5am. Now, would you rather hear LeVar Burton (Kwami, also from Star Trek TNG ([wil]!) and Reading Rainbow) talking about how we should hug trees, or do you want to hear Mark Hamill (Larry 3000, and yes, the "Luke Skywalker" Mark Hamill) do his pseudo-gay Larry 3K voice and talk about going nudie with Winston Chruchill, Franklin Roosevelt and Josef Stalin?

  I'll take Time Squad any day...

Posted by Eric @ 5:40am, 06-29-04

I Have Waited A Lifetime...

  Eric got slapped upside the head in the best way possible last night.

  I had the right time frame in mind, just the wrong person.

  Stay tuned. This could get good...

  (Yeah, I know I've said that [before]. But this time, it's mutual...)

Posted by Eric @ 3:00pm, 06-25-04

So Long, Farewell...

  Sad news today. Wake Up Screaming, one of my favorite local bands, has split up. They parted on good terms, life just got in the way. Oh well. Good luck to Rich, Bryan, Adam and Jim in whatever they do from here on in. You guys ROCKED!

  And so, the band that was more Stept On than Stept On was, is no more. Sad, really, since Adam and Jim were CLEAERLY the better half of that band. We all know how I feel about Matt, and Chuck is dealing with his demons.

  So, here's to Wake Up Screaming, and the two shows they did at Electric Avenue. It was fun while it lasted!

Posted by Eric @ 12:07pm, 06-24-04

Midnight Train Going Anywhere

  Finally. Though I like the new Harry Potter flick, I'm glad to see it go. Three weeks was just too much for me. Can't say I'm looking forward to the replacement film, Mean Girls, though. Eh. Oh well. Such is the life of the projectionist. Can't be all good flicks all the time...

  Gotta say hello to Tiffany, who reads the Ranch every day! There's a trip to Myrtle Beach in the works, and when it happens, I'll be sure to have a whole gallery of pictures of "The Sharp Dressed Folk" up afterwards! Love ya, Tiff!

  If there's one thing I love, it's indignant people who think they're better than everyone else. They're the source of endless entertainment for me. People who are so stuck on themselves that they feel they have cartè blanche wherever they go. You all know someone like that, I'm sure. Tonight, I saw mine, and they didn't disappoint. I even played the Hallilujia Chorus after they left. Got big laughs.

  I really need to look into quitting smoking. As of late, my habit has become much worse, and I'm finishing off packs in 12 hour periods. That's not cool. It's time I gave this shit up. Let the process begin. As of today, I'm cutting back hardcore. I'll keep the world informed (or at least the few out of the world who actually give a flying you-know-what) of my progress.

  And, before I go, I'm announcing that soon, THE RANCH WILL BE MOVING TO IT'S OWN DOMAIN! That's right, I'm gonna pony up for some rather cheap but still nice hosting. The administrator keeps up with his clients via Yahoo personally. Gotta love that service, right? Just think - I won't have to hold back and say things like "flying you-know-what" or other such goodie two-shoes nonsense. I can openly dis anyone I want, and also openly praise at the same time. Thank you, Tera-Lycos-Tripod, for proving that Free Speech just isn't free.

  Finally, I want to say a word to US Senators Rick Santorum and Arlen Specter, both Republicans, and both representing my home state of Pennsylvania: ARE YOU TWO ON CRACK?!? Since when are stricter regulations for broadcasting indecency more important than, say, fixing Social Security, or paying down the National Debt, or stopping corporate outsorcing at the cost of American Jobs? Hello, McFly! Anyone in there? Aren't we in the middle of a war we have no right waging? Aren't we constantly under threat of attack by crazy Muslim fundies who think they're waging a Holy War for God/Allah/Who the hell ever? I think we have more pressing issues, like an ever increasing poor and homeless population? Get your heads out of your arses, gentlemen! Holy hell!

  Guys, it's managing a country, not rocket science. I can do this with my frigging eyes closed...

  You know, that gives me an idea...

Posted by Eric @ 3:31am, 06-23-04

Violators Will Be Spammed

  It's time to introduce you to the one policy I don't talk about here at the Ranch. Why did I never talk about it? Because I didn't think I'd ever have to put it into use. Well, now I have, and that is just so very sad...

  When signing the Guestbook, you don't just leave a message on an HTML page. ALXNet kindly records your IP address for me, indentifying the exact computer you used to make said post. When resolved and taken via phone call to the root office of that particular ISP, along with time posted, the owner of that account can be identified.

  And you thought you were slick not posting your name, didn't you... Sorry about that... The Internet isn't as anonymous as you thought, is it...

  When I find a post offensive or completely out of line, I usually just delete it and let the merriment continue unabated. But this, this is a repeat offender. In this case, it is Rancho Relaxo policy to post the offending user's IP address for all on the 'Net to see. What readers of the Ranch do with your IP addresses, I don't care, nor am I responsible for any of what they do. Without further delay, now, here are the offenders' protocol addys:

65.112.111.44 - 64.91.147.99

  Have at it.

  Now, to answer a few questions raised in these offending posts: Yes, I do in fact have a car. I just bought it. It's a 1988 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cierra, and it's pimped out rather nicely, thank you very much. Yes, I do live with Mom and Dad. But this is not my choice. I'd love nothing more than to be on my own again. But I don't make enough money to support myself yet, so I can't do it. Besides. Who can argue with rent-free living conditions? Bet you can't, even if you do make quite a bit of money. No Rent is the ONLY Good Rent...

Posted by Eric @ 12:51am, 06-21-04

Every Girl's Crazy 'Bout A Sharp Dressed Man...

  This is Tiffany. Tiffany, I'm happy to say, is one of my very dearest friends in the entire world. Yes, I am in love with her. You'ld have to be crazy not to be. But that love is controlled in favor of being her best friend. Though she lives in Myrtle Beach now, she's still very close to my heart, and always will be no matter where either of us are.

  When Tiffany was at her worst, I made sure I was right there to help her pick herself up and get going again. When I needed a friend to goof around with on a boring Tuesday night (before I was a regular at Electric Avenue), Tiffany was there for me.

  But one time, I did something very stupid, and it's time to tell the story, and say what I should have said back then.

  One night, there was an all-night skate at the Skate Station. Tiffany wanted me to go, and I said I'd be there. But along the way, I got sidetracked. That sidetrack, sadly, was Liza. I ended up spending the night with Liza elsewhere, while Tiff sat at the rink, wondering where I was.

  Now that I've been through what I have with Liza, and it's ended how it has, I owe someone a huge appology.

  I am so sorry for standing you up that night, Tiffany. Three years after the fact, I feel like total crap for not spending that night enjoying your company. I should have been there with you. For that night, I'm really, really sorry...

  Somehow, some way, I'm going to get down to Myrtle Beach and spend time with Tiffany and her new crew at the [freaky tiki]. I need a vacation anyhow, and I owe her for that night I spent with Liza. I'm on my way soon, Tiff. And I can't wait to see you again.

  Love ya lots, My Sharp Dressed Woman...

  Your Sharp Dressed Man...

Posted by Eric @ 3:13am, 06-16-04

Kids These Days

  On his blog yesterday, [wil] was talking about how he's waiting for Just A Geek, his second book based on said blog, to be released. He puts the worry that comes with it akin to worrying about his stepson, Nolan, on his first day of kindergarten.

  The way Wil writes, he really takes you into the story. This time around, he got me thinking about my own future experience as a parent.

  Yep. Eric wants to have a kid. Astounding, isn't it...

  Well, up front, I don't want to have a kid til I'm 30. My parents adopted me when they were 30, and I'd say they did a pretty decent job raising me. I survived to 18, and got good life lessons along the way. Mission accomplished, right? I can mirror that.

  But, being adopted adds a little wrinkle to the whole wanting a kid concept. Since I don't know who my biological parents are, I really don't know what line I'm continuing. All I have is some basic family medical history, ethnic lineage, and the knowledge that Mom and Dad were REALLY tall people.

  Having a child, to me, is like starting a new family heritage. I'm borrowing a last name from the family I was raised by, and more or less beginning to hand down family traditions I myself have concocted (burgers on X-mas Eve! rock!), and some I've adopted from many families including my own.

  I've never complained about my adoption. I've accepted it as fact. My parents loved me enough to realize that they couldn't give me a good life, and gave me to people who could. That is the greatest love of all in my book, on both sets of parents. But a big part of me having a kid is wanting to complete the cycle of family temporarily disrupted in my life due to my adoption.

  The Jacobson's and their many offshoots will always be my family. But, they will never be my blood. I love them dearly. But they are not of my kind. I am 100% accepted by them, and I accept them 100%. But I am a black sheep of sorts. This will always be the cold, hard truth. And honestly, I came to terms with that when I was six.

  Having a child of my own is MY blood. It's about the survival of MY line, not just the Jacobson name (which will be carried on at least into the next century, I can garuntee you that, the way my cousins friggin' hump and have kids). This is about continuing who I am, what I'm about, through my child or children. It's about fostering them to become who they will be, and giving them what both sets of parents gave me.

  Life, and the means to live it...

Posted by Eric @ 5:17am, 06-15-04

The Silence Must Be Heard

  For those keeping score in the whole "$40 Saliva Ball Scandal," looks like the game's postponed indeffinately due to lack of thunderstorns. Here's the skinny.

  First, we have the event itself. Then, we have the "Put The" entry. Then came Erina telling me that I still have to pay up, and that "you should watch who you're talking down to." Escuse me? What did your boyfriend do again? What, act like a total subhuman? Is that all? Oh heaven forbid that we'd condemn spitting in someone's eye, right Erina? Especially when you're turning a blind eye to the spitter's fault?

  So, I punched in the previous entry. Since, no response. Erina's Blog has been inactive since late April when she decided to brag about Joey yet again, and she hasn't been on Yahoo lately. So, I'm taking her silence as lack of further interest in this whole issue, and putting it to bed, for good. .

  Any furhter attempts to "muscle" the money out of me with idol threats and macho horseplay, stern words, or anything else regarding the $40 I used to owe you, will fall on deaf ears.

  This matter is closed. Nothing to see here. Move along.

Posted by Eric @ 6:17am, 06-13-04

Preaching To The Chior...

  It's time for the innuendos and not mentioning names-style games to cease. It's time to lay the cards out on the table. First Ammendment, don't fail me now.

  Guess what, Erina? No, I'm not paying up. I don't care how busy you are with what, or what need you have. You're not getting your $40 from me, ever, amen. Joey spit in my eyes. He completely disrespected me, in public, for something he has absolutely nothing to do with whatsoever.

  Are you going to try and tell me (and while we're here, the rest of the world) that I deserved it for not paying you after so long? Hardly! Noone deserves to have thier face spit in over a measly $40. Not even Ron, Erina. Not even Ron...

  Get used to this fact: You're NOT getting one red cent from me. Period. Your boyfriend took it upon himself to spit in my eyes while I was on stage with TMK. He took it upon himself to inject himself into a situation that had nothing to do with him. He took it upon himself to assault me. Yes, Spitting in one's eyes is assault, Erina. Look it up.

  Like I said before: Feel lucky I'm not tying up your elopment by dragging this through the court system. In the end, I'd win, and you'ld end up spending alot more on court costs than you will on your elopment, plus a good deal more than the $40 I previously owed you. What's even better is, you're also lucky that my employer isn't taking you to court for assaulting one of the employees.

  And just in case you want to drag TMK into this, here we go. TMK is alright. I respect Travis and Chris enough to support whatever project they get involved in. Kramer and I go back to Bad Idea, which I was a part of as roadie and webmaster. Chris, on the other hand... Well, let's just say that I totally recognize the rift that exists between us.

  I'm sure you'll go on about how Chris really doesn't like me very much. I can sense that every time I talk to him. But there's a good reason why, Erina, and it's not what you would like to think. If Chris doesn't really care for me, that's his issue. Point is, we all have enough musical respect for one another to get on stage together (something I did with Grinder as well as Bad Idea) and put on a decent show. So don't go dragging who likes who into this.

  In a way, really, if you think about it, Joey disrespected them, too, by getting in the face of one of thier guest musicians. I spoke to them all, including the sound guy, about the incident. And you know what I said? What can you do. That's it. It happens in this business. But damnit, isn't he thier family? Don't you think he could have enough respect for them to leave well enough alone, especially in the middle of a track like that?

  And one more thing. When I sang the first part of "Everything About You," it WAS NOT DIRECTED AT YOU OR JOEY. But it MOST CERTAINLY WAS after he spit in my eyes. You're damn tootin' it was directed straight at you. Even some of the band agreed that I had every right to direct it at you after the fact.

  From here on in, any attempts by you to get me to pay you back will be met with silence. If Joey decides he wants to get in my face, then he'll be dealt with accordingly. I seriously advise against it, though. One wrong move, and you won't get a second chance on the charges this time. I'm not fooling around here, Erina. Don't tempt me. I can make this a whole hell of alot worse. I can make your oh-so-happy eloping session with Joey a legal nightmare. And you know it.

  But I choose not to, because in reality, I just want you to go away. Before Joey spit in my eyes, I had every intention of paying you back. Thanks to his actions, you're not getting paid back. Simple as that. Leave it alone, leave me alone, and the next time you're at my bar, act civilly. It's not hard to do.

  After all. I did it the whole time Joey was in my face, so I think the two of you can, too...

Posted by Eric @ 1:49am, 06-10-04

In The Salvation Army Band...

  Yeah, updates are few and far between this month. But it's Summer, and I have the urge to get outside and do stuff. Like today, for example. Once I'm done here, I'm going to go jam with Mad Gone Mad, then hit the pool. Ahhhh... Poooooool...

  You know, I'm rather surprised that I haven't heard nor seen a response to my handling of the little incident at the Those Meddling Kids show two weeks ago. Maybe people have wised up and realized that that was one of the biggest bonehead moves in debt collection history. Eh. Like I said: Spit in my face, Debt is erased. Thank you, drive through...

  Speaking of Mad Gone Mad - Fred, Ian, Andy and Eric will be taking the stage at Electric Avenue this Saturday. This is thier first Avenue show, and I'm proud to say that I, along with Mat and Cari, personally twisted Justin's arm into booking them. I'll be with them as well, we'll be doing a rousing rendition of Type O Negative's "Black #1." Should be fun...

Posted by Eric @ 2:55pm, 06-09-04

Anybody Call For You Grandpa...

  Well well well. Looks like the Ranch has a new section to boast. I've gone and copied [wil] yet again, and started a [moblog] at [buzznet]. For those interested, here's [wil's moblog], as well as his [soapbox community moblog].

  So, why start a MoBlog? Well, for starters, why not? Gives me something to do with my friends' camera phones. Both Kim and Justin have them, and I'm around them quite a bit. Gives me a fun distraction. Another reason is, I see some pretty messed up stuff. I've seen trucks with "I (Heart) Sheep" bumper stickers, a Rottweiler that humped a beagle and got stuck together... All sorts of weird crap.

  Go visit [my moblog]. I might start a community site since I have the people with camera phones, who knows. We'll give it a trial run and see how things go.

Posted by Eric @ 2:25am, 06-03-04

The Word Game

  Lately, I've watched the advertisments that Terra-Lycos puts up above my site. They flow based on words found on this or any other viewed page. Example would be Pinball Machine Parts ads from my "Quarters" entry last week.

  So, just for SnG's, I'm going to devote this entry to a few choice words I'd like to see reflected in the Terra-Lycos ads above. Not only will it make for some interesting ad choices, but I'm hoping to get the attention of the wonderful Government we have at the moment as well, to prove a point. So, with out further delay...

  George W. Bush. Money-Grubbing Oil Baron. Moron. Idiot. Retard. Waste of DNA. Dick Cheney. Heart Attack. Ticking Time Bomb. Dirty Crook. John Ashcroft. Asscroft. Civil Rights Destroyer. The War In Iraq Is Wrong. George Bush captured Saddam to have violent anal intercourse with after snorting five fat rails of cocaine. Rush Limbaugh is a fat, loudmouthed pill head.

  And just so the Democrats don't feel left out...

  John Kerry is a dirty hippie. Ted Kennedy needs to lose some freaking weight. And all Democrats need to quit being nosey liberal snobs.

  Now, for fun, just some random words...

  Porn, Ron Jeremy, Asia Carerra, Debbie Does Dallas, The Wrong Snatch, Lesbians, Bald Beaver, Testicles, Vagina, Penis, Sphinctor, Sheepshagger, Beastiality, Whore, Skank, Slut, Larry Flynt, Hugh Heffner, Homosexual Jesus, Rump Ranger, Clam Snacking, Bologna Pony, Swallow The Swan, Jesse Jackson's Misstress, Nick Berg, Osama bin Laden, al Quaeda, pipe bomb, fertilizer, Timothy McVeigh, Bondage, Whips And Chains, Handcuffs, Michael Jackson.

Posted by Eric @ 5:17am, 06-03-04

Yet Another Song About The Rain

  Last summer, it rained like the dickens. In turn, we had the horrible amount of snow we saw this past winter. And guess what: It's still pretty damn damp out there.

  Usually, I like rain, especially during a good thunderstorm. There's something strangely soothing about a right boomer session, but I digress. Today, the rain couldn't make up it's bloody mind. It started out beautiful. Then came the monsoppies, but they'd only last about 15 minutes or so. It would do this again like a half hour later, and then it did it yet again. Only the third time (that I saw), it rained for a good hour or so, and it was a decent soaker at that.

  Mother Nature is going to be one cruel biatch this winter. Maybe it's time I take Tiffany up on her offer for a vacation in Myrtle Beach...

Posted by Eric @ 2:25am, 06-03-04